The Things I Do For You
by leen
Summary: Rukawa lusts for Sakuragi. You're right, it's been done before, so what? [Yaoi, duh.]
1. One

  
_Leen says_: It's yaoi. Bad language and naughty thoughts, baby. You have been warned. And I _know_, it's been done who knows how many times before, I just wanted to do it again, is that such a bad thing? 

_Disclaimer_: Imagine how frightening it would be if they were mine. Luckily, they're not. 

******   
Part 1 

  
  
  


I hate Sakuragi Hanamichi. 

I hate that he keeps messing up games, I hate that he seeks attention that is rightfully not his, I hate that he boasts things that he has no right to boast, I hate that he keeps calling himself a tensai, I hate his stupid red hair, I hate his stupid song, I hate everything there is about him. 

And I hate that I want to fuck his brains out. 

It is really much of a surprise if I do? Have you seen him? Really _seen _him, up close and personal? He's just so alive, every inch of his body bursting with spirit and fire, so much so that he screams to be tamed. "_Look at me. I'm Sakuragi Hanamichi. I live for me. No one owns me. No one controls me._" 

And he's got an unbelievable body. Trust me on this, I've been close enough to it more times than I can count. 

Surprised? Thought I hated him? Well, you're right on that account. I do hate him. I still want to fuck him, too. 

It just happened one day, it's not like I'd bother to remember when, during some practice or the other when my own body just woke up and said, "Hey, Rukawa, check out the do'aho. Severely fuckable, isn't he?" I'd never ever gotten that hard that fast before. It hurt and I had to ease it quick, so that was the start of Rukawa Kaede's "bladder problem". 

And life has been hell ever since. 

Not that he would notice, the stupid prick. 

He doesn't know that the reason I provoke him every day is to get those precious moments of when his attention is all mine, stealing those seconds to lock away in my head for usage later when alone in bed, or in the shower, or whenever I get hard in my pants which is rather often, curse the libido of an athletic sixteen-year-old male. 

Nor does he know that when he undresses after practice I inch imperceptibly closer to him just to inhale his scent, or that it takes every ounce of my self-control to prevent myself from jumping him in the showers, or that I have had more cold showers in the past few months that the rest of my life altogether.   
He doesn't know how much I want to taste him, own him and ruin him. 

I'm afraid that one day I'll lose my control, be it during practice, or in school or in a goddamned game, and then he'd finally be able to experience first-hand all these lusts I've clamed up inside me. It does seem promising, as finally living out what I've coveted might finally free myself from these demons that seem intent on keeping me permanently horny. 

But no, I won't. I know that if I cross that line and there'd be no turning back, and I cannot simply walk away from the do'aho, because I can't imagine cutting off my visual supply of him, delicious little smut machine that he is. 

So I shall suffer. You play your little games, do'aho. Do your stupid antics, laugh all your like. I'll just stay right here watching you quietly from beyond the safetyline, keeping your screams for mercy nothing more than fantasies in my head. 

The things I do for you, you ungrateful bastard.   



	2. Two

_Leen says_: Lime and Language. There's a reason it's rated R, you know.   


******   
Part 2 

  


How was I to know that that would be the day I'd finally snap? I wasn't even supposed to see the do'aho at all, what with it being a Saturday. 

So I woke up, stuck to the sheets as the remnants of a very graphic dream flittered out through my ears. Even waking up has become a chore, besides having to ignore the look the maid keeps giving me as she comes by to pick up the laundry. I'm a physically healthy male; it's just that star of my fantasies is a baka whom I cannot stand next to for more than a few seconds without wanting to bite him. Somewhere. Anywhere. 

But anyway, I had planned to go to the court I usually practice at in the mornings, but it had started to drizzle in preparation for what would be heavy rain, so I headed for school which had the only closed-court I knew would be available for usage. 

It's those moments on court, alone with a basketball, that I am able to keep my mind off him, as that driving force to be the best player briefly overtakes that _other_ driving force. 

Yet such a respite is only brief, because once practice is over and I set the basketball down, it's back to nightmare land. Demonic little red-haired do'ahos, all circling my head (and lower regions), taunting me and my body's inability to remain calm whenever thinking of him. 

Two seconds after I put down the ball and I'm horny yet again. Is such a thing biologically possible? 

So I quickly headed for the showers, tossing my clothes carelessly on a bench in the locker room as I stalked off to one of the cubicle showers and yanked the cold water faucet to its highest setting. 

The water hit me in full force, yet it only dampened the heat in my groin a tiny notch. So I leaned with my head against the cool wall tiles as the water sprinkled down my back, my left in hand in a manic frenzy to relieve the rest of me. 

That's when I heard the gasp. 

I lifted my head, and saw through the water trickling off my bangs, that standing outside the open cubicle door was the main subject of my hyperactive libido. 

He was slightly drenched from rain, and don't get me started on how his clothes were clinging to that lickable body of his. Did I say lickable? Shit. When my brain finally registered that it wasn't a hallucination, my erection tightened so hard I thought I'd burst on the spot. 

But he was staring at me. In shock. And horror. What was the big deal, he was a guy, he knew masturbating was a daily activity… 

And that's when I realised it. 

He hadn't just seen me. He'd _heard_ me. I'd been gasping his name as I jerked off. 

He _knew_. 

I tried to turn my head, I really did, but my eyes just refused to remove themselves from the sight of ultimate deliciousness. I couldn't even kick the cubicle door shut. 

We just stared at each other. 

Then with a jolt I realised that my cock was still in dire need of attention, and that I was naked, in front of _him_. The possibilities were… terrifying. I pressed my forehead harder against the wet tiles as I fought down the hunger threatening to burst out any moment. Still that idiot continued to stare at me like some dumb animal. What was wrong with him? Didn't he realise how dangerous it was? Even I had only so much self-control. 

Every single cell of my body screamed in rabid lust. _I want that!_

I shouted at him. "GET OUT!" He jumped at the sound, having rarely ever heard me raise my voice. I clenched my jaws together, wishing to whatever god might be listening that he'd take the hint and just leave. 

_Get out, Sakuragi. Get out now, before I lose control. Before I what everything my twisted mind has wanted to do to you since it had labelled you the most-fuckable-being-on-earth._

I heard his voice, which softly said, "I… G-g-gomen… Are you okay?" 

What kind of question was that? More to the point, the sound of voice in a pitch lower than curse-the-kitsune decibels made my stomach hitch. I don't know what sort of look passed over my face, but it must have been bad because he took an uncertain step back. 

_Get out. Please._

I dropped to my knees and banged my fists against the wet tiles, my mouth open in a silent snarl as I clenched a hand round my erection. 

"Rukawa…?" 

Why did he have to call me by my name? What happened to kitsune? Or baka? Or anything else for that matter? 

I snapped. 

No thoughts, no rationale, only raw undiluted lust. 

My body jerked into action and before I knew it, we were wrestling on the bathroom floor. 

We are usually equals in strength, yes, but that day I had the advantage of being insanely hungry to fuck him. It definitely wasn't one of our usual fights, because I was terribly violent as I slammed him against the tiles. Had he not been Sakuragi Hanamichi, he might have suffered a number of broken bones or internal injuries, such was the extent of my desire for him. 

"I want you!" I growled, just before pinning him underneath me and claiming his mouth with my own. 

He tasted better than anything I'd ever imagined, no matter that he was trying to bite my tongue off. 

I could feel rather than hear his resistance, as I was blinded from everything except the blood pounding through my erection. I drove my nails into his wrists when he tried to kick me off, and later on I found blood under my nails. And I definitely drew blood from his lips. Or maybe that was my own. It was hard to be sure. 

He was at my mercy. I'd finally be able to ruin him. 

My sadistic lust-blown mind had goals made clear. _Take Sakuragi, now that he's open before you, ripe and ready. Make it clear how much you hate him for what he's done to you. And make him hate himself._

I drove a free hand into his crotch. I wanted his body to betray him, just as mine had betrayed me. 

So I rubbed myself over him, forcing his primal instincts to make themselves known, even if his own conscious mind refused to let them. I felt him yelp into my mouth as he started to harden into my ministrations, and I smiled wickedly in response. 

_Fuck him. Fuck him now._

I yanked my mouth away the same time as I flipped him over, pressing his face and stomach hard into the tiles with my own bodyweight. A free hand tugged his shorts down to his knees. 

The sight of his perfect untainted butt would have been the clincher. Without a doubt I would have raped him that day, had I not heard the sob. 

It was a flailing sound, and by all accounts I shouldn't have heard it, but somehow I did. 

My own body was shaking eagerly in its readiness for some mind-blowing do'aho-fucking, but some minute sane portion of my head started shouting in protest at the rest of me. _Look at what you're doing! This is wrong! He doesn't deserve any of this!_

I stared at his flesh. He was right there. I could take him and be done with it. 

But Sakuragi was crying, and it was me that was making him cry. 

_Walk away, Rukawa. It's not too late. _I placed a shaking hand on the thick flesh, and I felt Sakuragi stiffen in terror. My eyes were wide as I fully realised the power I had over the do'aho at that moment. Lust was into overdrive, yes, but sanity was making a quick comeback. 

Still, my loins knew that I wouldn't be able to walk away from this. Not with the real Sakuragi below me. I was still overpowered by my need to come, and my hands would be a poor substitute now that my cock knew what was available. 

So I leaned forward, hands braced on the floor with my weight on his back, and I thrusted my crotch into the back of his left thigh. 

Yes, I got off on his leg. 

No matter that it wasn't actual ass-fucking, because it was still his flesh, wet from rain, sweat and tap water, and the friction was enough as I drove my erection into it. I clamped my knees around his leg to drive it into my groin as I jerked faster against him. 

I did not make any sound as I came, but he was well aware of it as there was no mistaking the warm wet fluid that I spouted between his thighs. 

Lust momentarily silenced, sanity came back in full force. 

Fuck. 

Sakuragi was quiet underneath me, and I was not sure whether it was because he was horrified at what I had done, or horrified of what I might do. 

I crawled off him. And then I ran out, grabbing my clothes and yanking them on as I charged through the lockers. 

As I cycled home, heavy rain be damned, the fuzzy lust-controlled clouds that had been fogging my thoughts starting to clear. 

The situation had finally changed. Sakuragi finally knew. I had finally snapped. 

I doubt everything I felt at that moment could be isolated into the single-syllable word 'shame'. Still, I can't seem to find any other words to describe it. Shame. At myself, at my lack of self-control, at what I had almost done, at what I had secretly wanted to do. 

At that moment I hated myself more than I hated Sakuragi, and that's saying something. 

Had I broken him? I hadn't wanted to, even if many times before I had said that I had. It's just that I'd been so fucking angry that someone like him could exist in the world without realising the kind of power he had over lowly mortals such as myself. I couldn't even begin to imagine what thoughts were in his head while I relieved myself on him, nor what he was thinking of me afterward. 

It'd make no difference if he hated me even more. It'd just mean more nightmares, more self-bashing and possibly a little more suicidal tendencies. 

_I'm sorry, do'aho._

It was only when I reached home did I realise I had been crying all the way.   



	3. Buckle my shoe

_Warnings_: Lime & Language. (But I wanted to do a lemon! T_T) And some OOC-ness. 

_Leen says_: The style of this installment is rather different from the first two (who were already different to begin with). It's less angry. Oh no, I'm mellowing… -.-   
  
  
  


******   
Part 3 

  
  
  
  


I thought it was quite an accomplishment on my part that nearly a week after the incident in the lockers I was still alive and in one piece. Not so much that I thought Sakuragi would come after me screaming bloody murder, but that I had enough control leftover to not attack myself with various sharp objects. 

But I hadn't gone to school, because going there could mean he'd possibly see me. It's not like I knew whether he had been going to school, but one could never be sure. 

There were a number of reasons I did not want him to see me. For starters, I didn't know how to act in front of him. Secondly, I was still in shame override and seeing him in the flesh after what I did would probably make me jump off the school roof. Thirdly, and most importantly, I had fucking traumatised him with what I did, and he needed time to recuperate. 

So I hid in my room, under my blankets mostly. And I had the phone line disconnected. 

One good thing (and it's an extremely minor one considering how fucked up everything was) was that my loin demons seemed to have left me on holiday. Every time I'd start to harden, I would remember what I almost did to the do'aho, and it'd cause my erection would shrivel up and die. 

I wondered if I should've just carved out my spleen with a spoon to give him, so he would forgive me a tiniest bit. 

Yes, I had discovered that I _did_ care what he thought. 

The do'aho was innocence. He'd never had a girlfriend, nor been kissed, nor even had anyone out right tell him they liked him. And then I, the brilliant hero whom he hated more than anyone else in the world, went and almost raped him. 

I wondered whether I should've just chopped off that piece of muscle that was the cause of all this trouble. He would've appreciated that. 

Then the doorbell rang. I snuck deeper under the covers, but the doorbell rang again. And again. And again. 

I started to feel annoyed, but refused to get up. I sent mental vibes out. _Leave me in peace with my suicidal inclinations, you inconsiderate bastard!_

That was when the door to my room swung open. I heard determined footsteps approaching my bed, then the descent of a familiar paper fan onto my back. 

"GET UP THIS INSTANT, RUKAWA KAEDE!" 

It was Ayako. Brilliant. 

I refused. 

"Get up, Rukawa-kun." This was Miyagi. Double brilliant. 

"You had us all worried there," said Ayako. "We contacted your father and he told us some nonsense about you just refusing to get up, and he got the maid to let us in. And you shall get up right now!" The fan hit me again. 

I didn't dare move. They most certainly didn't know about what I did, or else they wouldn't act so normal. Not having anything to lose, I asked about Sakuragi's whereabouts. 

"Oh, Sakuragi's been feeling ill for the past few days, hasn't gone to school," Miyagi said. "And unlike _you_, he really is ill." 

I shuddered. 

"Rukawa?" Ayako asked carefully. 

Sakuragi wasn't the ill one, that was me. Me, the mental blockhead with a permanent hard-on. He had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. The do'aho had no idea what kind of danger he had been in because _I _had never given him any warning. It was never his fault. It was mine. Mine! 

I threw off the covers and ran out the door, not pausing to see whatever shocked expressions were on their faces. 

I ran barefoot all the way to his house. Yes, I knew where his house was. 

I knocked the door with a shaking hand, wondering whether Sakuragi would answer, or whether he'd be hiding in his room like how I had been. No, not like me, since I was harbouring nothing more than guilt, while he'd be harbouring… goodness knows what thoughts he'd be harbouring. 

But he did open the door. And he stared at me. 

The first blow came as a surprise because it was so quick, and I landed hard back first on the pavement. For a moment I thought that that would be it and he'd slam the door in my face, but then he grabbed my collar and pulled me up for more physical bashing. Punch. Kick. Jab. I took all of it quietly, even when he slammed my body against the wall so hard I thought my spine would snap. 

I was his would-be rapist. I shouldn't have expected anything else. 

I finally looked at him, and the pure anger in his eyes just made me want to die. 

"You stupid hentai bastard," he snarled, just before grabbing my head and slamming it back against the wall. 

Anger was good. It meant that he was alive and not moping pathetically. I had not broken him. 

He raised his fist to hit me again in the face when he paused. I was staring at the ground, wondering what had suddenly made him stop, so I looked at him. There was an uncertainty in his face, and he looked as though he was thinking about something. 

"Why did you come here?" he asked carefully. "To finish what you started?" 

_Oh god, just kill me and be done with it._ I lowered my head. "I came for this." 

"What, you wanted me to beat you up?" 

"It'll make you feel better." 

"Damn right it will." His fist connected and I crumpled to the ground with a soft thud. Then he stood over me, and gave another savage kick to the stomach. I made a soft 'oof', but no other sounds of protest came out of me. 

He walked away to re-enter his house. I got up weakly, leaning back against the outer wall as I struggled against the pain. Seriously, it was good physical pain, but somehow it just didn't match up the mental and emotional ones. I was actually disappointed. 

I heard him pause at his doorstep before changing direction and walking back toward me. I braced myself for another onslaught of fists and feet, but it didn't come. He just stood across from me, arms crossed and eyes scowling as he studied me. 

I stared at the ground quietly. 

Then he said, "You have no right to cry." 

_What?_ I raised a hand to my cheek, and to my surprise I found that it had been stained with damp tears. But crying indicates quite a bit of facial contortion, like eyebrows drawing together and eyes scrunching and lips trembling, so it was pretty clear I wasn't crying. It just so happened that my eyes were mass-producing tears. So I shrugged. 

"Why. Why did you do it?" he asked. 

I shuddered briefly. "I wanted you." 

He made no attempt to hide the disgust in his voice when he said, "I bet you say that to all the guys you do, isn't it?" 

_All the guys that I do?! _All that internal anger that had, for the past few days, been aimed directly at myself suddenly changed course. Did he think that was all it was? That I was a horny bastard who'd fuck anything that happened to be within the same vicinity as my screaming libido? 

With a shock I realised that he still didn't understand what had happened. 

So I looked at him, my eyes insanely wide as they locked on his. And I laughed. And laughed and laughed. You know that creepy sort of laughter associated with psychopaths and padded walls? This was that sort. Only it was much worse, because I am Rukawa Kaede, and I never laughed. 

I stopped laughing abruptly, and charged my insane gaze directly into his surprised one. "What do other guys have in comparison to you? Have you looked in a mirror?" 

He stared at me. 

So the ignorant prick _still _hadn't understood. I snarled at him. "I look at you and I get so hard I go insane. Nothing matters except you, and your body, and how much mine wants it. It was always about you. You, you and _you_." I laughed again. 

The same look of shock and horror reappeared in his eyes, although this time there wasn't as much fear. Then slowly but surely little specks of realisation crept over his face, registering that in that current scenario it was _he _who had the upper hand, not me. Although just to be safe, he backed away a bit. 

"What are you talking about?" he asked. His eyes moved downward and caught my erection. He let out a small gasp. 

"I wanted to ruin you, because you had somehow ruined me without even touching me. I wanted you so bad I couldn't think about anything else." I felt like adding that in a twisted way it was my revenge for what he'd done to me, even if he had never realised what he'd been doing. You own me. You always have. 

He fell silent as I tried to shuffle away. His scent was stifling. But instead he took a step closer, still staring at me intently. I clawed at the wall desperately as my loins tightened further. I'd almost forgotten what his presence could do to me. 

"What are you thinking about now?" he asked. 

"How much I want to fuck you senseless," I whispered, backing away in a panic. My body started shivering again. 

His eyes widened. "Is it… that bad?" 

I managed a jerky nod. 

Sakuragi was quiet for a moment, then he spoke. "But you didn't." 

Didn't what? 

"You didn't… didn't… do it…" I opened my eyes to look at him. He was gesturing wildly with his hands, and the expression on his face indicated that even he wasn't sure what he was talking about, or why he was saying it at all. "You could have, but you didn't. You say you want… all that… but… you didn't…" He held my gaze steadily. "Why?" 

I told him the truth. "I don't know." 

Sakuragi glanced at my erection again. I gritted my teeth as a I forced myself to look away, limbs trembling. I would not succumb again. I would not. Then Sakuragi asked, "What's stopping you now?" 

"How much I hate myself." 

"I hate you, too," Sakuragi told me matter-of-factly. "But I have a feeling you hate yourself more." That observation took me completely by surprise. What happened to over-emotional over-reacting do'aho I had known for so long? I wondered whether there really was a working brain inside that thick skull of his. Maybe he only used it after heavy experiences. 

"I am a monster," I said. 

"_Could have been._ Could have been a monster." Sakuragi's face, although still focused in an intense glare, softened an extremely tiny bit. 

After what I had done to him I thought I would never ever ever know what it felt like to be relieved, or minutely happy even. I looked at him in surprise as my chest started to hitch uncontrollably. It looked like I wouldn't have to jump off the school roof after all. 

His simple brain had finally seemed to grasp the basics of the situation. His eyes were still drowning in anger and hatred, but then I saw what was preventing him from further breaking my arms or throwing curses at me. It was pity. Goddamned _pity_. Although he didn't say it aloud, I read it off his posture. "_No one owns me. No one controls me. No one can break me, not even you, Rukawa Kaede._" 

Is it possible to respect someone as innocently idiotic as him? 

Those few words he said to me, they made me feel less like the animal I had clearly pictured myself to be, which was a change, to put it mildly. I left for home feeling slightly at peace with myself than I had been in months. It had finally been made clear that I'd never own Sakuragi, and it was pointless to hate him for having the most delectable body ever designed. And he would try to forgive me, and I'd try to forgive myself, and we would all go on our merry way. 

So it was back to square one. Me, lusting quietly after the do'aho, while he got up to his usual antics. Nothing had changed. 

At least, that's what I thought at the time. 

Some weeks afterward, Sakuragi came up to me and told me he wanted to 'help' me. I thought I had been hallucinating again. Sakuragi? Wanting to 'help me release some of my pent-up lusts'? I told him he was stupid, but he blinked at me with those ridiculously innocent eyes as he blushed round his nose, and said that although he still hated me for what I did, he'd been starting to get distracted by my presence. And he'd also been having quite a number of wet dreams starring me. 

I stared at him, disbelieving. You just don't get everything you want on a silver platter. Not that easily. Not after what I almost did. 

So he made it clear. He was a guy, after all, only human. And it would only be some mutual masturbation, nothing really major. And basically (he just _had _to rub in it, didn't he, the horrible do'aho) that I could 'make up' for what I did. But it wouldn't really mean anything. Our daily lives would go on as normal, no one had to know, and we'd both be able to concentrate better in school and in basketball. 

What started out as hand-jobs eventually turned to blow-jobs which eventually turned to heavy petting.   
  


And so here I am, two months after the locker incident, in my room, having mind-blowing sex for the first time with the most fuckable being on earth. 

I look at him now as I drive into him. He's just so unbelievably tight, hot, wet and eager, and yet I keep my sanity. I think it's because he's giving himself to me of his own free will and I don't want to lose what I have with him just yet. 

"More…" he pants, parting his legs to allow me more access. 

I rub his sweat-slicked back as I comply. 

Technically I appear to be in charge, but I'm not. Not by a long shot. 

He wriggles as he tosses his head in blind pleasure, eyes scrunched shut. I am just about ready to explode myself, but I keep my eyes locked on him. It still thrills me to know that no one has seen this side of him. Only me. I wouldn't miss any of it. 

He makes such wonderful sounds during sex. A little chorus of gasps, grunts and moans, and then a lovely desperate scream that drops into breathless gasps. I savour every second of it, even as I bare my teeth to the air in my own silent scream. 

It's way better than anything I had imagined. And I'm proud to say that I do not hurt him or draw blood in any way. I feel almost human. 

We collapse onto the bed, exhausted. I stare into the darkness behind my eyelids as I try to steady my breath. 

After a while he starts poking my shoulder. I open my eyes and look at him. 

He's grinning at me. 

I stare back emotionlessly. 

He says, "That was fun. Let's do that again." 

Oh great. Even after heart-stopping sex he can still turn me on with a few words. 

"Can I be on top this time? Can I can I can I?" Sakuragi asks, bouncing eagerly on the bed. All right, his stamina is an added bonus, but does he have to be so bloody _cheerful_ about it? 

I wave in direction of the lubricant, and he practically flies toward it in giddy excitement. 

I watch him carefully through fallen bangs as I start to realise something. My body is sated. Yet my soul is not. 

Sakuragi still owns me, no matter how much I have tried to resist. His power over me has increased even more since we started this little endeavour of ours, although he _still _doesn't seem to understand the extent of it. _Everything I have, all for you. Always for you. _But to him it's just meaningless sex. Admittedly, I had thought that that was all I wanted, too. 

As I let him prepare me, I start to feel brand new vestiges of hate flicker within me. 

I want to scream at him. _Do you have any idea what kind of power you have over me?! _But I know just as clearly that I have no right for complaints, since I'm still the Nasty Bastard Who Attacked Him In The Showers. I still haven't forgiven myself for what I almost did, even if he has appeared to. Or maybe he's just too preoccupied with the orgasms. 

I can just hear my libido laughing at me. I've got what I want, but not what I need. I think an analogy would be to that poor little rich bastard who had all material wealth and no emotional satisfaction. But at least I can tolerate emptiness and depression better than anger and lust. 

So now I have a different craving, and it's for us to change from fuck-partners to lovers. Am I asking too much? Probably.   
  


_~ owari ~_   


_Leen says_: Hm. Just realised I did it in such a way that Ru thinks its a HanaRu, while Hana thinks its a RuHana. O_o   



End file.
